There Are Things That Can Break The Marriage (II)

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Marriage

Marriage

It is to be noted that in our discussions last week regarding those things that can break a marriage, I mentioned nagging, sexual dissatisfaction, and interferences of in ?laws and friends. Unfortunately, space constraints never allowed me to complete all that l wanted to write. This week, our talks on in ?laws continue, and l shall follow them up with cleanliness as a big factor in marriage .Now read on:

The lessons from all these are firstly, let no husband or wife report any little misunderstanding to his brothers and sisters or father-in-law or mother-in-law or any other in-law, except he or she wants his marriage to break! The husband and wife should always settle their differences in chambers. Where everything is so bad, let a church elder or marriage counsellor be told of it to settle the matter. Occasionally, a pastor or a priest may be called in.

Secondly, let not the husband or the wife report any little fracas to any friends at all, except a wise, well-trusted, much experienced, God-fearing friend. As a matter of principle, the couple should not invite nor accept any outside interference in their marriage ?from friends or in-laws over little misunderstandings.

Next comes the question of meals. In 1 Corinthians 7:34 St. Paul writes: ?A marriage woman is concerned about the affairs of this world ?how she can please her husband.? One of the principal ways of pleasing the husband is to show absolute concern for his stomach: giving him food to eat at the correct time. By ?good food,? I do not refer to ?rich, sumptuous food? which the ?chop money? cannot provide. Rather I mean food carefully prepared in the kitchen of the house, and not bought (already prepared) from the streets. Men, by their nature always cherish food prepared by their wives, and they always love their wives? meal prepared through their ?sweet hands.?

Truly, if a man is hungry, he is annoyed at little things, but if he is filled, he is in a happy mood to listen to any talks of, and favours asked by, the wife. There is a traditional sort of folksong which is funnily applied to a husband who is metonymically called ?Kwamena.? It is this: ?Kwamena mpotsimpo, okom dze na na orusu, odzidzi mee a na oreserew? (?Kwamena, the doting ?boy?, who grieves when hungry, and rejoices when filled?). So every wife should treat her husband as the ?pampered? Kwamena. I am not referring to my name, anyway!
A wife should know what type of meal her husband likes, when he should eat, and where he should eat. Such a wife is a good, ideal wife to marry. Says King Solomon: such wife ?gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls? (Proverbs 13:15).

A wife who doesn?t know how to cook or who is so lazy that she can?t cook meals for her husband or gives him cooked meals at the right time is always on the verge of destroying her marriage. The way to a husband?s heart is through his stomach.

 Cleanliness

Questions about cleanliness are very much important in marriage. In fact, they can make the marriage break or bloom and grow from strength to strength. And these concern: husband or wife being clean in appearance and their environment (rooms, compound and surroundings) being clean and making the children look clean

Husbands who are very clean in appearance are always adored and loved very much by their wives. On the other hand, a husband who does not clean his teeth everyday has a foul breath and when he speaks, he blows out some smelling scent which puts the wife off. That displeases the wife, and when this continues for a long time, she becomes fed up with it, she becomes irritated and begins to disrespect the man. if that happens, she picks quarrels with the husband at odd moments ?the love for him has grown cold.

There are other two things about men that strongly displease women ?dirty discoloured teeth, and ?blowing of fuse? from alcoholic beverages (eg. Akpeteshie, beer, wine, etc.) or ?blowing of cigarette fuse.? Dealing with the husband?s dirty teeth is often not much of a problem: sometimes the wife is able to pick up courage to tactfully advise the husband to clean the teeth with toothpaste!

But there are snags with a husband who smokes or drinks. Truly, several women simply feel that such ?fuse? is unbearable, especially when they are sleeping on the same bed with such husbands. Our African tradition is such that women have to sleep near to the wall, and when this happens, the discomfort from the ?fuse? becomes far too much. And the woman prefers to get down to sleep ?on the floor? or on another bed ?there is trouble! Such women often become worried, and would seek to go away from such ?smelling? men.

That is why husbands in a Christian home are not advised to drink any alcohol nor smoke cigarettes or chew tobacco. In fact, there is nothing to gain from drinks and cigarettes or tobacco except contracting ill-health, foul scent that displeases the wife and scares her away from him, and, of course, sheer waste of money, -precious money that can be used for better things is spent on drinks and cigarettes! Let such husbands stop drinking or smoking!

A husband should also keep his armpit clean, well-shaven and washed. (This applies to women also.) lt is always preferable to bath two times a day. You see, some men don?t like to bath in the evening before they sleep. And that?s really bad because they blow body ?fuse? (odour) which is indeed unpleasant to the women. Of course, women love men who bath two times a day and use powder or ?spray? before they go to bed.
As much as possible, the shirt worn for the day must be kept very clean and tidy. Husbands should have to change their shirts everyday: that is to say, a shirt (and underwear) worn on a particular day, should not be worn the next day unless they are washed. In point of fact, bodily cleanliness covers several parts of the body ?from the hair on the body to the nails of the fingers and toes.

Women, by nature, observe rules of cleanliness more than men; but where the husband notices any foul scent from the body of the wife (and it continues unattended to), that is likely to put off the man; and then his love begins to grow cold. Where he cannot tell the wife, he begins to look elsewhere for a ?neater girl?, and that spells the beginning of adultery! Mary shallow -minded husbands begin to flirt with other girls, because they are not pleased with the expected cleanliness of those wives, yet they cannot tell them.

Men naturally love women who have an aroma of sweet smell around them all the time just as King Solomon says: ?How delighted is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice ?the fragrance of your garments [dress] is like that of Lebanon? (Song of Songs 4:10-11). Solomon was crazy over his wife?s ?cleanliness?!
Some beauticians prescribe the use of lime to ward off any body odour. The lime is cut into two halves and used to rub hard certain parts of the body during bath. And after the bath, perfume or ?spray? or deodorant is used. Men also can use lime for their bodily cleanliness.

Environment Cleanliness

Most of the time, this is the preserve of the wife. In our African traditional society, the cleanliness and decoration of the room and the house yard are the concern of the wife, whilst the immediate bush environs of the house is always taken care of by the husband.
A wife who does not clean the room and make it tidy, but ignores all that, when everything is in a mess, with clothes and books and children?s dolls scattered here and there, is regarded as a ?dirty, bush ? woman. In our African society, it is a taboo for a man to sweep the room, dress the bed, and have the pieces of furniture tidied up. Yes, it is the responsibility of the woman to see to the cleanliness of the Christian home. So an African wife who refuses to do regular cleaning of the  household, keeping everything well ?arranged or in good order, stands the chance of losing her husband to a ?neat? woman who can beautify the household. The African woman should always adopt clean habits at home.
Cleaning of the house also includes the scrubbing of the bathroom, the toilet and the kitchen, and the removal of cobwebs in the living room and every part of the building. Any woman who does all these is very much loved by the husband.

Children?s Cleanliness

Have you seen the mother who piles up all her baby?s dirty napkins in a corner of the room and they are not washed until three days? time? That?s the dirty, lazy mother. Have you seen the woman whose young kids are not bathed and dressed up in the morning, but are left to play about in their dirty pants and their bodies smeared with dirt until the evening time? And the lady whose children don?t wash the dirty dishes and plates till after several hours? There you are ?a dirty, sluggish, sluttish woman! The husband sees all these and becomes annoyed and that sparks off quarrels which tend to break the marriage. Let the husband be clean, but let the wife be cleaner in her habits.

By Apostle Kwamena Ahinful

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